Thank you Candy Crush

This one time in psychology class- or maybe it was a writing class? Weird that I can’t remember now!- Anyway, this one time in A class, we were told to write for five minutes. No stopping. No thinking. Just write until the timer went off.

It’s been 2 very long months since I’ve written, and it seems with each passing day, the writing block seems to get bigger and bigger. To avoid like total blockage, I’m going to attempt this class lesson once more.

This should be interesting….

Without further ado, I give you my brain. Uncensored. For five. Whole. Minutes.

Ready? Here we go 🙂

So if you just pictured me like jumping from one screen to another all frantic n shit to get the timer started, you were spot on.

YAY YOU!

Yep. This is me. Open. And free. Ok not so much. Today I was actually thinking about writing something along the lines of “Dear Kids, sometimes it sucks to be your mom”. Dude. That looks horrible all out there on my screen right now. But I DID think it. I wanted to follow it up with stories from the trenches of mom-dum ya know? Like, maybe chasing the 1 year old down the street in heels because she got free from my hand and those stupid shoes were NOT actually meant to be worn by  moms.

Or maybe I’d include the awesome times I’ve gone in public with goo all over me…OH! I once sat in an ER with my oldest munchkin for EIGHT long hours. Covered in vomit because she’d puked down my back (again). I was finally allowed to change when they admitted her into the hospital and put me in a pair of scrubs and sat with her so they could wash my clothes. That makes me wonder…How stinky does one have to be to have the hospital staff offer to wash your clothes?

Well whatever that level if stinky that is, I reached it that day!

What else would I include in my “Dear Kids” Letter?

How about how crappy I feel when I’m forced to stand over the kids while they do their chores. Or their homework. Or get on the internet. Or when they…. Dude. WHEN DID I BECOME A  FRICKIN DICTATOR?! This shit sucks.

I would of course end it with some sweet silly nothings just to remind them I still love them and that I don’t realllllly mean it. But yeah. Other than that, I’ve got nothing. Not a thing I can think of to write ab-

Times up. YAY! Look at that. I wrote something. And now I have some mojo back.. Hmmmmm I wonder what I can get into now that I’m over that hump.

Should we try it? Ok. Here we go.

So, yes. It has in fact been 2 months since I’ve written. That seems so long! But it went by so fast!

I wish I could say I was out solving world hunger. Or creating some great masterpiece. Hell, I’d even setter for  wearing  the title of “mom” as an excuse if I could!

In my defense, I did start a new job, (which I love btw) and am all but 4 weeks done with the first of -hopefully- many degree programs I’m hoping to complete in the next 5 years. HEY!! I just realized I have a sliver of a 5 year plan!!

Holy canoli rocky! I CAN  think like a grown up sometimes! SCORE!

Don’t forget to add in the zoo I call home as a total time sucker. 3 kids and 1 “Mr.” are more than enough busy for many people!

So I wouldn’t be…Completely lying when I said life has been crazy in here lately. But it wouldn’t be completely honest either.

Where has my spare time gone the last 2 months?

I discovered Candy Crush.

The first-I dunno- hundred or so boards were filled with love and excitement. Now I loathe it with a deep hatred and disgust only a true addict can understand. And despite that loathing, I still find myself playing a game (or 8) every night before bed.

I will say this though. Candy Crush has taught me some valuable life lessons over the last 2 months. Like;

– I don’t always see the big picture. In candy crush terms, this means I only look at a few rows at a time and don’t really set up my board for the next big move. But, if I’m going all philosophical and junk,  it says  I don’t always see past the little things to the ones that will make a huge difference in my life. I should probably work on that.

– I also learned  can still pull off an all nighter. Boy did I ever too! And more than once!-that was a shock to me! I totally thought I was too old for that ball of crazy!- And by golly, if I can pull off an all nighter for some lame a$$ game, I can give 10 more minutes to the project I’m working on, or to make one “last call” to someone that matters just to let them know how much.

– Thanks to Candy Crush, I also now know that I have what my psychology professor would have referred to as an “addictive personality” and once I’m hooked on something, there’s no room in my life for anything else. For anyone who wants to argue with me about with draw symptoms of candy crush I ask this; Have you ever dreamed in crush mode? Or seen little candy pieces blowing up as you tried to grocery shop? Kicking this habit is no easy feat. (I’m partly teasing- but I’ll never admit to which part :0)

-I also understand paranoia now. And probably hallucinations too. Yes, I may be “crush sober” at this time, but I’m still convinced there’s a man living on the other side of my phone watching my every game move and changing the pieces of the game when I blink to make sure I only win when he decides it’s time. He also listens to my conversations and sends me advertisements for random crap I was just talking about with my friends-and not on my phone. People  I was talking to face to face.

……Effin cheaters.How you gonna change up my candy pieces so I can’t win the board?! That’s not fair!

With that, I would like to say “Thanks Candy Crush” 🙂

(and good night. )