One of these things is not like the other…

one of these things just ain’t the same. 


I am a mom first. In every aspect of my life. My successes. My failures. My joy. My pain. From the clothes I wear and the shoes on my feet ( sandals always. This mama cannot rock da heels no more) to my schedule and interests, I’m “just” a mom. 

When my oldest daughter was 6 weeks and 4 days old September 11th happened. I remember watching the live broadcast and hearing witnesses call the TV station to give their versions of the story. 

One man talked about racing down the stairs of one of the towers after the plane had hit. The chaos. The fear. The pain. Then he mentioned seeing a man in a wheelchair on like the 90th floor and how the man was trying to get out through the stairwell. The caller said everyone was so afraid they wouldn’t stop for him. They just left the wheelchair bound man in the stairwell.The man on the phone began to sob. 

So did I. 

In that moment, looking at my first borns perfect face,  I understood what it meant to be someone’s everything. I understood what it meant to love someone so much that through them you loved everyone, because, damnit, the world needed to be a better place. 

There is nothing like a child to make you  question what kind of person you really are. 

Making the decision to become a foster parent was an easy choice. I’d been a foster child myself, I’m all too familiar with the need for good people to be a support system for an innocent child. Being that person for someone just  made sense to me. 

Despite the logic behind the madness, I have to confess I still didn’t know if I could form a bond with a child that wasn’t really mine. – I’m not saying I wouldn’t love them, I just wasn’t sure it would be with the same …..irrational passion that fuels my core when I look into the eyes of the children I made from scratch.

Today I learned that unconditional love comes in all sizes. 

It started outside of a courtroom. The baby and I were waiting to be seen by the judge and I realized we were all alone in the waiting area. I knew…. I knew when I started the day that the mom and dad of the newborn foster child we are caring for couldn’t make it to the hearing . I knew that. But knowing that and seeing that are 2 totally different things. 

That wooden bench gets mighty cold when you’re the only one sitting on it. My heart broke for her.

As court ended and the attorneys came to see the newborn they’d been discussing for the last hour I began to notice she was twitching. At first it was just one arm. Then it was both. Suddenly all of her limbs were flailing about. 

I rushed her to her pediatrician who ordered some labs and discussed what will be happening in our lives over the next few weeks as we try to figure out if these apparent seizures are permanent.

Getting her to the lab was easy. Having her blood drawn…. Not so much. As two adults held her down and pulled blood from her tiny little arms I paced frantically behind them. I’d never heard her cry like that before and every inch of my being wanted to call them off or throw them into a wall. 

I finally caved and allowed myself to wedge into a small spot between the lab techs and the wall. Scopping up her delicate hand and locking eyes with her just inches from her face  I whispered “it’s gonna be ok baby” as I stroked her cheek and began humming. 

And she stopped crying. It was almost instant. It was stunning.

“Oh. My. Gosh.” Said one of the techs. ” She knows you. Look at her face! That’s amazing!”

It really, really was.

She may not be just like the others, but she is the same.


A Proper Introduction.



How are you? 

*kiss kiss* 

Sigh….. Sometimes introducing yourself can be one of the hardest things in the world to do. It’s just…. Awkward. 

But here I go.

This is me. Now before you go all crazy stalker on my ass, please note, this is me on a REALLY good day. It took me like 4 hours to get prepped for the night that came after this photo. 

I don’t normally get 4 hours to do any one thing. Especially something that’s just for me. In fact, most days I feel like I’m winning if I’ve gotten to wash my face AND brush my hair in one sitting. Especially if I got those things completed by noon and/or alone. Don’t even get me started on brushing my teeth!

That’s a little more like it. ( I did soften it up a bit) Seriously. Makeup can do some of the most amazing things people! -and that kid in my arms, trying to lick my toothbrush away….. That is what most of my life really looks like.

What you’re looking at right here is three pieces of my heart that managed to escape my body and are now trying to create life’s of their own. Most people call them children. I refer to them as Kid 1, Kid 2 and Baby. 

There are 2 other children that rule my day, I’ll probably mention them regularly, but never by name or photo. They are my kids, but not biologically. We are, what the state refers to as a “resource family”. The term ” foster family” is most common. Currently, we have a newborn and a preschooler. 

Back to kids 1,2 & baby.

Kid 1 is currently at battle with a blood disorder called Thrombocytopenia. We’ve been making monthly visits to the Phoenix Childrens Hospital for IVIG transfusions. 

This. Sucks. 

Ya know what makes it worse? Feeling helpless, afraid and exhausted. Only to walk out of her hospital room and be surrounded by other sick kids. But not just any kind of sick, we’re talking real sick. 

Cancer sick. 

Ugh. Those beautiful babies all walking the floor with their chemo bags and hospital slippers, smiling. Freaking smiling. And laughing. Eager to tell you a story or lend you a hand. 

I just wanna punch myself for being such a wuss. 

Kid 1 is smart, kind and so much fun to talk to. I feel like the luckiest mom in the world when I sit next to her.

Kid #2 is your typical ” I just became a teenage boy watch what I can do” kid. He’s funny, smart and sometimes when I look at him the air in my lungs gets knocked from my chest. I just love him so much. 

Then there’s Baby. And she is just that. Everyone loves her and she knows it. Having the opportunity to see the world thru her eyes has been awesome.

At the center of my world is this guy right here. 

The Mr. 

He’s pretty special. We’ve been running our world as a team for just over 15 years. Prior to that he was my confidant for 5. Good or bad, he’s not going anywhere. 

To quote Grace from “Will & Grace” 

“My love for you is like this scar. Ugly. But permanent.”

The Mr is an active duty Marine with 7 deployments under his belt. 5 of which were war time deployments. He’s home. He’s safe. But he’s not always the same person. But neither are the rest of us. 

We’re learning how to be the best we can be as a family each and everyday. This isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. 

Short of the 6 other people that run my days to the fullest they can be, I also am working on my 2nd degree. I also own a small shop in downtown Yuma called the Ms COOP Project. 

I LOVE my store. And everyone in it. They are without a doubt some of the most incredibly talented women I’ve ever met. Everyday with them is a blessing and I can’t wait to talk about them in upcoming posts.

So that’s it. My introduction. I’m looking forward to sharing my adventures with you in the months ahead 🙂